“Should we stay together for the children’s sake?” is one of the many common questions that parents ask themselves when the marriage boat starts sinking. It is no secret that every parent wishes their kids to be happy but sometimes, the parent’s own happiness can also become the main point of concern.

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According to Daisaku Ikeda, a peace activist, happiness can only thrive in the child’s life if it starts with the parents. If parents compromise to stay together for their children’s well-being, they might instead affect how the kids conceptualize happiness as they get older.

5 things that happen when parents stay together “for the kids”

When parents sacrifice their happiness ‘for their kids’ they can create significant unintended outcomes that will harm the kids.

Kids will learn to settle for ‘good enough’

When children see a parent staying in a stressful situation, they can learn that it’s impossible to lead a happy life, and as grownups will choose to compromise. Parents should teach kids to be brave and make the most out of their lives.

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Kids will be afraid of the future

Children are very observant and if they notice that their parents are fighting, they will develop anxiety towards the future and life as parents themselves. Instead, parents should tell their kids that while life might have challenges, communication can solve breakdowns and heal wounds.

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Kids might not feel loved or secure at home

If parents stay together, their relationship can be tense and for kids, this might be a source of stress as they might worry that they are not safe or cared for. Parents need to shelter young ones from problems by showing them that even apart, they can provide all the care and love that kids need.

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Kids won’t have a good relationship model

Kids learn from their environment and their parents are their first teachers. If they learn that parents can sacrifice their personal joys for kids, they will grow up lacking attachment and fearing to chase after their own goals.

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Kids might develop feelings of guilt

When parents stay together for the kids, the young ones will grow up feeling as if they are the reason their parents don’t love each other. They might grow up knowing that hiding your feelings and keeping silent is the only way to confront challenges.

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How to Help kids deal with divorce

If handled correctly, kids can navigate the murky waters of divorce and come out stronger. Some of the most important steps parents can take include keeping their conflict away from the kids, minimize disruptions, and remaining involved in the children’s lives.

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When both parents break the news of divorce to the kids together, they can gauge and handle their reactions as a team to ensure that they cope with the new development in their lives.

While divorce can be tough for kids, when parents follow the right steps, they can help them learn to accept the changes without deep levels of hurt.

The material in this article is for informational purposes only and does not replace the advice of a certified specialist.